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Post by Jenn on Dec 11, 2017 5:53:00 GMT
Me at everyone voting for Nick and then saying I'm the biggest threat to win: Me at Teddy and Jeff (once again): Me when Jeff finally voted in the minority: Me when I realize Austin was telling me the truth for once:
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Post by Jenn on Dec 12, 2017 3:27:38 GMT
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Post by Jenn on Dec 12, 2017 9:32:35 GMT
Tonight was a mess. Me and Jeff looked like crackheads sobbing on the entire way through tribal council.
I feel like I fucked up at the last minute by telling Teddy that I had talked it over with Steffen and Nick and they both thought it was smarter to keep Austin because when Teddy brought that up at tribal, I felt like I had to explain my error to Steffen since I need him now more than ever at F5, and then it makes me look shady to Austin, although I realize I'm Austin's target if Jeff wins immunity. Which is why keeping Teddy over Austin was probably smarter for my game personally, and then I do have to wonder how objective I'm being in the game when it comes to decisions that involve me/Nick's game together.
If you rewind to last night, I really thought I'd be more angry. I think I would've been, well I know I would've been, had the move worked out and things we're looking bleak for me. When I talked to Teddy today, he seemed to understand that I was being serious about how upset I would've been, because the "soccer mom" voice came out. I thought I would go into today being okay with Teddy leaving, feeling like he's made his own bed, but as this got closer to the vote tonight, I just didn't feel like I could do it. During the challenge right after, my hand was physically shaking after such a stressful day and night, and I'm still pissed that I missed it by one word. I should've just quickly taken off the 'n' from 'nailing' but I didn't even clue in until afterwards. I should've won that one. Jeff winning kind of sucked at the point, because it did put Teddy in a very bad spot.
Everyone but Austin watched The Parent Trap last night, and it felt like a pretty close knit group since we were able to put aside the game for a bit. When I woke up this morning, I talked to Jeff first, and it was a lot of him wondering what would happen at F5 and if he would be the easy vote. I told him I truly didn't know what would happen, that I couldn't make any promises but I would think about it. Next I talked to Teddy, and we sort of figured things out in terms of our friendship, but it was also a lot of Teddy making his pitch to stay. I talked to Steffen after, and it felt like he was seriously thinking about keeping Teddy? I don't know, he was just asking me what I wanted to do and what not, and I told him it would be hard for me but I did want to be loyal to the new group. When I talk to Nick afterwards, he said Steffen said that the vote basically came down to what I wanted to do, because if I tied it, he wouldn't be going to rocks so essentially Steffen would flip with me and then Nick would too. Nick was clear that he preferred to have Teddy leave since Teddy wrote his name down, but he saw both sides. I talked with Austin last, once he got home from work, and reassured him that he could trust me because I wouldn't vote for him tonight.
It's honestly more exhausting each time numbers dwindle in the game because you have to keep track and stay social with everyone, instead of avoiding certain someones. I hopped on call with Sure Jans, and Steffen left briefly to talk with Teddy and then it was my turn again. Teddy pitched himself again, and he honestly made some good points. He said he wouldn't write my name down ever, that that was partially why I didn't go home last round because Austin would've been on board with that, but Teddy would prefer Nick leave. He made the point that he would understand if I wrote his name down, but it would sting for a bit. I almost lost it then. He made me think about a lot of things, I already knew that Austin staying was better for Nick's game, but it just made me think about a F5 scenario where Jeff wins immunity, Steffen plays the idol, and Austin/Teddy would have to vote for me or Nick. It's clear what Austin would do, but if Teddy were here, would I be okay with Nick leaving then or if those really were the two options, would be okay with leaving to save Nick? Teddy just kind of brought to light how much I care about Nick's well being in the game, sometimes even over my own, and that I'd be doing a disservice to myself by not trying my hardest to get us both as far as we could. Teddy repeated it at tribal, that one of us needs to win now, so I'm more motivated to make it a good ending.
Not to be dramatic, but I think I cried for 1 hour and a half before tribal, then seeing Jeff cry set me off again, and then even worse after tribal because I felt like shit and realized I couldn't talk to Teddy anymore. Steffen and Austin seemed understanding which was nice, and I texted with Nick for a while before tribal since he wanted to make sure it didn't seem like he was putting his foot down on the vote. It's been a rough and emotional night, and I really hope I can get some good luck on my side to win the challenge tomorrow, but at least I made the finale episode.
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